Sexual (or bedroom) boredom is the malady that hits a lot of marriages, when the couple settles down and everything becomes routine. The couple has to de-routinise itself get out of this sexual impasse. The longer the period the sexual boredom is, the more the couple gets used to the idea that there is no or little sex going on. It also becomes more difficult to break it as it gets used to it for a long time.
You say he watches porn. Try to share this with him. Join him watching porn. He may be hesitant at first, but if he finds you sincere about it, he will love it. Take the initiative in making comments on sexy women and ask him if he likes to fuck her. Yes ask him. Show him that you want to share his thoughts. Try to find out what excites him most. You can see this from the scenes he focuses on. See if he likes women with stockings and garter belts. Most men do. Wear these for him, but without showing him that you are doing it on purpose.
This leads us to the next step. A genre of therapy to get rid or reduce bedroom boredom is fantasy play. Believe me when he is seeing porn, he has in mind some fantasy that is running. Find out what it is. By knowing what the other partner wants, we can role-play it. Fantasy telling, or tale telling in bed, or as some call it pillow talk, plays a very important role in breaking bedroom boredom. The mind can be controlled by talk, sexy talk, dirty talk, and this can ignite the sexual senses in the couple.
Robert. It has been proven beyond any doubt that fantasy telling at bedtime (pillow talk) enhances a couple's sex life. Couples may go further in role-playing, by the woman pretending and acting to be someone her partner fantasises about, and vice-vera. Discussion of fantasies (though most couples avoid it or are afraid or shy about it), is a must. Man and wife should discuss their fantasies, nomatter what they are. And surely there is some meeting point where a woman can play on a man's fantasies to enhance sex, and a man can play on a woman's fantasy to revv up sex. Fantasy telling and role playing plays a major role in sexual therapy today.
As I said before, we can fantasise about anything. There are men and women who fantasise about she-males. As I previously hinted, you may get the best of both worlds in being with a she-male. She can satisfy the urges of both, bisexual man and bisexual woman. In my survey, less than 1% sited she-males in their fantasies. Also in other surveys which I reviewed or read about in the past, in no survey did she-male appear between the top 10 or even 20 fantasies.
Peter Pan. A significant number of boys of your age (and younger ages) fantasise about friends of their moms, or their sisters, and their teachers. Sometimes the fantasy develops into a crush on the person (especially for younger boys).
The rape fantasy is a common female fantasy. Ever since I started following up on fantasies in the early ‘eighties, and as far as I can remember from periodicals, magazines, books, that date back to the ‘sixties and ‘seventies, the rape fantasy figured among a woman’s favourite fantasy. When a woman fantasises about rape, she wants rough and urgent sex. Surely with rough sex some pain may ensue. But, I reiterate, yes, the rape is rape without harm. If you notice that 40% of the women who cited this fantasy, indicated their partners as the rapist. The inclusion of a partner (husband, fiance' or boyfriend) gives a woman’s conscious of subconscious that she won’t be harmed. By harm I mean, heavily battered, disfigured or even killed. True you have the masochist woman who does not mind to have pain inflicted on her. But there is a difference between pain and harm.
These are the results of a survey on sexual fantasies for women, which was conducted 3 months ago, and is still open for participants. 595 respondents:
1. 63% Threesome fantasy (with two or more men). Only 2% included their partners in this fantasy.
2. 49% Threesome fantasy (with a man and another woman). 65% of women included their partners in this fantasy.
3. 35% Having sex with another woman (lesbian or bi fantasy).
4. 27% Having sex in public.
5. 22% Rape (without harm). 40% of women included their partners in this fantasy.
Sexual fantasies for men. 620 respondents:
1. 75% Threesome fantasy (with two women). 90% of men included their partners in this fantasy.
2. 40% Having sex in public.
3. 27% Threesome fantasy (with a woman and another man). 75% of men included their partners in this fantasy.
4. 26% Lesbian fantasy (watching two women having sex).
It is a medical fact that the woman can theoretically have non-stop sex, while most men have to stop after they have ejaculated. Few men can go for and immediate second round. Also it is a fact that a woman can have sex even when she is not excited, and continuous sex; while a man cannot have sex if he is not excited.
Stewart. Your are consciously or subconsciously aware of the sexual prowess of your wife (or women in general). You see your wife in control and you wish to see her “annihilate” the men she is with. Obviously, you are well aware that the woman is sexually/physically capable of continuous sex, while the man’s capabilities are limited. So here she takes her men, one after another, controlling and annihilating them. You are proud of that and want to see her do that.
Are you a man or a woman? I have never encountered a she-male in life, but you are right, the topic is popular. I can see how a she-male can provide both sexes with the best of the two worlds.
California Lover. Many believe that fantasies are not made to be realised. I can tell you this. We can fantasise about anything, no matter how weird they are. A lot of them are unrealisable. But even when a fantasy is realised, if we still think of it, it is still a fantasy.
We can fantasise about anything. Sure, there are persons who have your fantasy. When I say common, and to translate this in numbers, I would say, at least 5% of men have to site this as a fantasy. From what I have read in the literature, and from a survey I have conducted recently, less than 1% have sited a pre-teen fantasy.
Stewart. The rape scenario is a typical women fantasy. Mind you we want rape without harm. Why rape? Rape is associated with rough, hectic and urgent sex, and many women just want that (at times). So when we fantasise about rape it means at that particular time we want rough and urgent sex (no foreplay, no emotions). It may also be associated with the unknown. An unknown person who is raping us, a mystery not knowing what will happen next, yet all without harm. As opposed to the unknown, a lot of women fantasise that the rapist is a person they love (hubby or boyfriend), as this gives them comfort that they will not be harmed, or alternatively a fact that their lovers never use force and they want roughness from time to time.
Stewart. In order to provide you with a specific answer I need to know more about your fantasy. How many strangers? All men? When do you fantasise? etc...
Just to initiate this forum, my favourite sexual fantasies are:
1. To be with two men at the same time.
2. To be with another woman.
3. To be with my husband and another woman.
I started a survey on sexual fantasies on Amazon Discussion Forums. It was very popular and there was a lot of feedback, with many saying they benefited to know that fantasies or specific fantasies are normal to have. The online forum ran for about two months, and had more than 85 participants with more than 300 posts on Amazon. On top of this, I received more than 1000 email participants. It seems Amazon found the topic too sensitive to keep and they removed the forum, although a lot of their forums contained close to hardcore sex, and my forum was decent.
So here I would like to reestablish this survey (sort of a continuation of the Amazon survey). If you have not participated in the Amazon Sexual Survey Forum you can do it here. The Question is to list your 3 most favoured sexual fantasies (order not important). Also indicate if you are a male or a female and if you are married/engaged (or have a partner) or not. I shall publish the results here from time to time. I am willing to receive feedbacks and also provide feedbacks on the issue.
