Failure of parenthood is the new normal - its now acceptable to let your teenage daughter sleep with a boyfriend in your home
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Posted 1/27/2012 7:10 am
When Sarah Watts's 16 year old daughter Alicia asked if her boyfriend of three months could stay the night, she wasn't outraged or upset. Instead, she responded in a way that would horrify many parents she went out and bought Alicia a double bed so she could sleep with boyfriend Matt in comfort.
Now 17 and a sixth former studying for A levels, Alicia and Matt, an 18 year old photographic student, spend many nights together under Sarah's roof.
The arrangement is a far cry from the way Sarah, 46, conducted her own teenage relationships.
My father was very authoritarian and would never have let my boyfriends stay over, says the customer services advisor from Norwich. But, like it or not, teenagers will have sex, and my fathers attitude meant I took all kinds of risks without my parents knowing drinking too much and being rather cavalier about contraception.
With hindsight, I think I was rebelling against being told what to do and my parents not giving me the respect I felt I deserved as an emerging adult.
I want to know where my daughter is at night and who shes with. Letting her boyfriend stay is the best way of ensuring her safety.
According to a new book, Not Under My Roof, Sarahs approach is a very sensible one.
Author and academic Amy Schalet argues that the reason the teenage pregnancy rate in the United States is eight times higher than the Netherlands is because Dutch parents adopt a far more liberal approach to adolescent sex, with two thirds of those in Holland allowing their teenagers partners to sleep over.
In Dutch families there is an expectation that sex should take place in steady relationships in which both teens are in love, says Schalet. Dutch parents dont want teenage sex to be a secret. They want to stay connected with their teens and be able to exercise influence and provide support.
It's better to have an open relationship with your children and discuss things, rather than lay down the law about what they can and can't do
As a nation, we have traditionally shared the U.S.s out of sight out of mind approach to our childrens sexual activity.
However, we also have the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe seven times greater than the Netherlands. But is Sarahs very liberal approach the answer?
Alicia is sensible: she doesnt smoke or get drunk. But when she started going out with Matt, I knew I had a responsibility to talk to her about safe sex, says Sarah.
Posted 1/27/2012 7:14 am
Alicia also spends a couple of nights at Matts parents home. But though they share a bedroom, Matts mother has asked that they do not have sex under her roof.
While most of Alicias friends are not allowed to have their boyfriends to stay, she argues that her mothers approach means she takes less risks than her peers.
When Mum first said Matt could stay over about eight months ago, when I was still 16, some of my friends were jealous, and they couldn't believe it when Mum bought us a double bed.
Posted 1/27/2012 7:16 am
Alexandra Fisher, 18, has been allowed to have boyfriends stay over since she turned 16. There have been five in total and each has been given a stern talking to by her mother Jane, 40, about treating her daughter with respect and using contraception.
A level student Alexandra broke the news to her Mum two weeks after losing her virginity, aged 16, but Jane says they have talked about preventing pregnancy and STIs since her daughter was in her early teens.
Friends have been shocked when they find out that I let Allys boyfriends stay over. But I tell them that this way I always know where she is, says Jane, a beauty sales assistant.
Im a good mother and a protective one. I wouldnt tolerate a different boyfriend every week, and if I get the feeling shes picked a rogue I can make it very uncomfortable for him to be in my house.
Current boyfriend Joe is at university in Liverpool but stays with Alexandra and her family mum Jane, stepdad Rob, 30, a garden centre supervisor and brothers Michael, 17, and Nicholas, nine in Hollyhead, Wales, a couple of times a month.
Jane was not allowed to sleep with boyfriends under her own parents roof, but would often go out on Friday nights and not return until Sunday and her mother and father had no idea where, or with whom, she was.
Posted 1/27/2012 7:22 am
If you want reasons for our decline as a moral responsible society this is it. We have parents who treat their children as their best friends and not as their moral guardians, wanting to appear cool and in touch with their children's lifestyle.
Posted 1/27/2012 7:32 am
Let's see just how many of these liberal minded mothers end up as premature grandmothers with kids that we will all end up paying for
Posted 1/27/2012 7:41 am
I have four Daughters ages from 21 to 18. Never have they asked me if their boyfriends can stay over. Why because they were raised with Morals and respect for themselves and us as Parents.
Posted 1/27/2012 7:52 am
When will these mothers get their fucking heads straight and invite the entire HS football team in for the night so their daughters can know the joys of insane clusterfucking madness before they die of old hagdom?
Posted 1/27/2012 7:54 am
Article could quite easily be turned around to "Would you allow your son to bring girlfriends home, these dads do"....sure alot of posters would think differently if it was men standing there with their sons lol..
Posted 1/27/2012 8:13 am
A few of my friends are allowing this, I don't think it's right. Boyfriends come and go they are often not the one, so do we let all our daughters boyfriend do this?
Posted 1/27/2012 4:50 pm
Daddy can Ludriculous spend the night in my bedroom? Mommy kicked him out for catching him smoking crack
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Sure I would. Right after pigs fly, you know what freezes over, there's a snow storm in the Sahara, & people start sunbathing at the North Pole in January.
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